Sunday, April 5, 2009

Kids Say The Darndest Things...

...and not always at the most appropriate moment!

My eldest daughter is 17, my youngest daughter is 2. So, in all these years with the title of MOM I have heard alot of words and phrases, some totally hilarious, some totally inappropriate, and some things that have made me cringe...usually in public.

Even though there is a rather huge age gap in my daughter's ages, I do sometimes wonder why it feels like I have two toddlers.

An example of this is:

Teen - "Your a butthead"
Toddler - "No! Your a butthead!"
Teen - "Your a butthead"
Toddler - "NO! Your a butthead"
Teen - "Butthead"
Toddler - "NO!!! YOUR a BUTTHEAD and I WIN! I AM WINNER!"

Oh yes, even with such a gap in their ages they still squabble like any siblings would. I'd also like to thank said Teen for teaching said Toddler the word "Butthead."

They may argue but they really do love each other's proof!

My first daughter had a very bad habit of telling everyone, including strangers out in public, our business. For example, she once told a elderly man who we were standing in line next to at the bank: "My mummy has cramps because she has her period."

I died a little right then and there in the line, and I think the old man did too.

Kids also have a knack for asking really embarrasing questions, rather loudly, in public places.

Did I mention my first born was/is rather a frank speaker? Well she is, and here's an exaple:

She was 4. And while getting our groceries bagged for us by a Little Person she asks, while standing 2 feet away from him: "Mummy, why does that boy have a mustash?" to which I replied, "He is a man not a boy" to which she replied with much doubt in her voice: "Why is that man so short?" to which I replied, "Because he is a Little Person." To which she replied, very loudly and without shame: "I do NOT like little MEN!" and "Get me away from him!"

I died a little at the till and the little person's glare didn't help that fact either.

She now works at the same grocery store with that Little Man. I'm sure he remembers her too.

Karma is great =)

My youngest, oh she's a real comedian, and has been since birth. She has a way with words and often cracks us up...and sometimes she's the only one laughing. It seems to me, that my girls find pleasure and hysterics in causing me public embarrasment. It's their common ground. Their dad often finds it humorous. So, it should be no surprise to me that the two jokers of this next "embarass mum at the grocery store" incident are in cahoots.

It all starts in the fruit and veggie section. Dad pushing the cart with sweet little 1 1/2 yr old daughter inside, while mummy picks through the fruit for all the colours of the rainbow to make her family healthy. Quite thoughful of said mummy, if I do say so myself. When dad, while racing with toddler girl in the cart says quietly to his baby's mama "Move yer ass" and bumps me playfully in my rear. It's funny how children will not repeat something you want them to, say infront of an audience of grandparents, and makes liars of you but upon occasion...and more often than not, will repeat words not to be repeated, especially infront of an audience!

Not 10 seconds later my sweet baby said "Ass" then followed by, and we still to this day do NOT know where it came from because none of us use this phrase: "Piece of Ass." Granted she said it in her normal, sweet, indoor voice but she said it none the less. I, knowing full well if I giggled or sneered, it would give her ammunition, I ignored it. Daddy did not. He burst out laughing. Oh dear lord no you dumb daddy, now you've done it!

His laughter induced toddler giggles and the confidence and hilarious defiance to say it again, only not in an indoor voice. "Piece of Ass!" to which daddy snickerd. The viscious cycle had begun and there was no way of stopping it. I am only glad the store was rather empty-ish that day. As we wandered down each isle, the peanut gallery that is my youngest child got louder, the giggles increased, my face got redder and redder with each "Piece of Ass!" until I finally had to wander ahead for 5 isles, where I could still hear loud and clear my daughter's "Piece of Ass"ing as I stuffed my arms full of groceries in a panic to get out, fast!

Finally, at the til the embarrasing father/daughter act was over. My head slumped in shame, my husband who has no shame still snickering, and my once lovely youngest daughter smiling at me with that mischievious look in her eyes, I felt something. Eyes. Eyes looking at me, at my daughter and people smiling, giggling, and all of a sudden I felt as if my hubby, the ring leader, should have charged a cover fee for the great act they just witnessed on their hum-drum afternoon trip to the grocery store...I'm sure it would have paid for my cart full of groceries that day.

I laughed when we returned to our truck...mostly out of relieve that it was over.

I really laughed, and laughed hard my friends, when yesterday my sweet mama's girl 2yr. old turned to me in the isle in the grocery store...yes, the grocery store again...after her daddy had given her a bit of trouble over how she was acting up and said to me while shaking her head and waving her arm "Whatever. My dad is such a Drama Queen."

Again, Karma is great =)


  1. OMG, I am cracking up. My daughter likes to announce that mommy pooped when in public bathrooms. I'm sure other's just love to hear that. I am not as embarrassed by it, but laugh when I think about how other's feel hearing that.
    Thanks for checking out my blog. Hope you continue to stop by.

  2. so funny. piece of ass. Interesting you have a 2yr old and a 17yr old. What a combo!

  3. omg milk came shootinig out my nose. jason once bit a womans ample ass from his stroller


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